Friday, June 11, 2010

broken arms and kept promises

I remember about four years ago, sitting up in the NICU at st jude, which at the time overlooked the entrance to their ER. My sweet little Jordyn was less than a month old and only two pounds. So sweet, fragile and fresh into this world, just hoping she'd make it healthy and strong through her first difficult days and weeks in the world.

Holding that sweet little girl up against my chest I looked down and saw a daddy carrying a little girl, about 7 years old in her soccer jersey into the ER. The girl had an ice pack taped onto her leg and her arms wrapped around her daddy's neck... "someday," I remember thinking, "I will rejoice that we are coming to the hospital with some injury. I will rejoice because it means this little tiny baby has made it. that she can not just walk, she can run (and run into things), jump (and jump off of things), climb (or in some cases fall off of things)." someday, we will be that family, worried about our sweet little girl, not because we worry about her next breath, but because she is so full of life that she is here for something as simple as a broken bone or a sprained ankle. and i will rejoice because of that." I held that little sweet two pound baby in my arms and wondered if someday would ever come.

and so today someday came.

my precocious four year old, making a daring leap from the swings to the monkey bars in our back yard... "trying to be in the circus" as she explained to the xray technician this afternoon... a fractured radius, tears streaming down her sweet face, and my heart aches for her... and as a mom I wish I could go back to being able to protect her... to hold her in my arms... because today its a broken arm, but my little anxious heart begins to worry, what about tomorrow? what if it's a broken heart? or worse? i think of my sweet cousin, battling with a vicious disease... my heart as a mother aches, thinking of how we fight for our children, and some days all we do to protect them still seems to fall short of what we wish we could provide.

but here we are, and god has given me this treasure, full of life, zeal, joy, and adventure... and I think about that little baby, He was the one who carried her then, He is the one I must trust now and again each new day. He has carried us through the hard times and will carry us over and over.

the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. they are new every morning. for each season. for each heart ache. the ones that seem small to me now, but may feel looming when they approach. the ones that seem insurmountable now. His mercies are new for that day. and the next. and the next. and the next. He provides for us, and carries us each day. and today, as I get ready to close my eyes, I remember that little baby, and how someday I would carry my little girl with a broken something into a doctor's office...

and so tonight my little four year old Jordyn sleeps with her arm in a splint, waiting for that pink cast tomorrow. and i remember that despite the tears, pain and doubt of today, that today is actually a reminder that God has taken care of her, and will continue to each day.